When I woke up on my first Mother’s Day, I forgot I was one of the women being celebrated. I prepared breakfast for my own mom and mother-in-law, and I made them both a “We love you!” video, all while spending an hour trying to convince my baby to leave on the clip-on tie we’d bought for the occasion. And then my partner asked me if I wanted to take a break. “Isn’t this supposed to be a day to celebrate you too?”
When I took my break before the “real” mothers arrived for brunch, I sat on a swing chair on our porch and cried. It was the first time I’d had a quiet moment since giving birth 11 months prior, a moment to think about how I felt about being a mother, to consider what “being a mother” even meant. Here are seven thoughts that went through my head.
Music allowed me to hear the voice of my unborn baby.
During my pregnancy, I set the intention that my baby would offer me insights and answers via movement when we listened to music. I believed it was his opportunity to show me a glimpse into his soul.
Music also supported me in understanding and expressing (via my own movement) all the emotions I couldn’t actually verbalize to my baby (or to myself, sometimes). Each note sparked a new idea, question, or simple moment of appreciation for the being developing in my womb.
I would play reggae music as he moved back and forth across my mid-section. Some days I would try out 90’s hip-hop (I swear he would tap his foot to the rhythm). Classical music (the ultimate baby music cliché) just put him to sleep, no complaints.
His favorite music ended up being anything that made me dance. If I was shaking my bloated pregnancy booty it was (and still is) a good day for him; he’s down to shake along with me.
Oh, and we also listened to audio books. I had to drive a painful amount of time for work (four hours, three times a week). He slept through those audio books: Miranda’s dilemma about whether her Latin lover was actually murdering middle-aged art dealers in downtown Los Angeles really didn’t interest him.
I gave up fast food because it was killing my spirit, and probably my body too.
Fast food used to be my crutch. Each time I’d receive disappointing news, get into the headspace of not being “good enough,” feel fat (ironic much?), or have a hangover, I would buy fast food. It was so easy.
When I was younger, I had become idle in pursuing my passions, I was addicted to harmful romantic relationships, and completely detached from my body. I used to have a ritual of starting each Sunday like this: Brunch with my girlfriends, which would turn into mimosas on the beach, followed by a movie, so we could take a nap.
On my route home, feeling tired, hungry, and sad, I would pass a McDonald’s, a Taco Bell and a Wendy’s, side by side. For a while my pattern was to go to Taco Bell and order a few different options. If I was in the mood for sugar I would also stop at McDonalds or Wendy’s for a shake.
I would then drive home and eat all the stuff, half of it in the car.
I’ve had a mega girl crush on Tina Fey and Amy Poehler since, um, forever. So, I swooned when I saw the trailer for Sisters.
“Tina and Amy?! Amy and Tina?! Together again?! AND sisters?! Too much. Too perfect.”
While I would have preferred this to just be a real-life film depicting them sitting in a room talking about their journey together (a documentary?) this film actually had a plot.
Tina and Amy (Kate and Maura) find out their parent’s home is being put on the market and they are summoned to their childhood home in Florida to clean out their old rooms. While there, they decide to throw one final epic bash to commemorate the fun they had in the house. Throughout the process chaos ensues (they say that in movie summaries a lot right?) and both do a deep (maybe just deep-ish) dive into their selves, learning all the fun movie-epiphanies that come with that.
Mood: Light, fun, silly and shocking. Tina and Amy stay true to their style of comedy by throwing unexpected zingers that take it to the edge, then push the audience over it. If you’re a fan of the SNL “I have no freakin’ idea what to expect” vibe, you’ll be into this. There will be tears- but not the nostalgic brand.
Food: Classic movie food y’all. Butter and sodium up your popcorn, buy the big bags of candy in the candy aisle at the grocery store (not the one-offs you buy at check-out), and for good measure cook up a stuffed crusted pizza (with Ranch dipping sauce?! Kate and Maura would do it.)
Drink: A big jug of water because you need to stay hydrated after all that salt and sugar, OK? And maybe grab a six-er (or twelve-er?) of the beer you drank in high school.
Company: Your girl frands! (Or boy frands.) Pretty much anyone with a good sense of humor that will laugh even if they don’t fully get the joke. No negative Nellies, or Nelsons, or Neds, or… You know who I’m talking about.
P.S. I thought my dad was a negative Ned, but I watched this movie with him anyways and he laughed! A lot! Mind (and preconceived notions about my father) blown.
Thanks ladies.
Yays!: The queens of comedy playing sisters in a comedic film sprinkled with some SNL favorites? Gold. There’s also a pool incident, lots of color, overzealous soap, and John Cena as a thorough drug dealer.
Nays: Some of the jokes were lost on me, but I would still laugh- usually louder than I would laugh at the jokes that fully sank in. Oh, and I peed a little during one of the jokes. What? I’ve gone through childbirth. TMI?
This is an 8 week on-line course available from Bailey Gaddis. We will email you when your new lesson is available and you will be able to login and read each lesson on-line or print as they become available and click to listen to the guided audio meditations. Your first lesson will be available immediately after you enroll.
Would you like your home to be organized, serene and inviting? Do you yearn for a simple and lasting method of organization? How would you feel if your inner environment mirrored your peaceful outer environment?
Many of us can muster the willpower to spend a weekend organizing our home, but what often happens is we quickly slip back into old habits, and the evidence of our hard work dissipates. When we learn how to make the process of creating and maintaining an organized home and life second nature, the weight of the struggle is lifted, and lasting change is established.
Whether you’re consciously aware of it or not, the state of your external environment has a profound effect on your internal environment, and vice versa. To create a positive exchange of energy between your inner and outer worlds we must work with them in unison to achieve harmony. Consciously bridging these two worlds will ease the practice of releasing unneeded items, dissolving negative shopping and organizing habits, and discovering the specific methods of organization that work best for your unique needs.
This course will take you the through the gentle process of tuning into this connection and harnessing its power to create a home you love spending time in, because it nourishes you- mind, body and spirit.
Over an eight-week period this course will take you through the following journey, utilizing text and 5 minute guided meditations:
WHAT YOU WILL LEARN
* How to examine your emotional relationship to physical belongings.
* Explore what really makes you happy- and how to get more of it.
* Tap into the energy of your home, and learn how to harmonize it with the energy within you.
* How to work through the four stages of organizing- Sort, Purge, Organize, and Maintain
* Learn to integrate your new self with your new home, through blessings.
* How to continuously find center within your self and home, while moving through the eternal flux of life.
* Figure out how to motivate your housemates to join in the transformations!
Be wary of a friend who uses your pregnancy as a soapbox for self-righteousness.
When I became pregnant in my mid-20s, it became the source of invasive gossip amongst my group of childless friends.
Many of my friends didn’t get it.
“A pregnancy? That you don’t want to end? But what about alcohol? You can’t drink alcohol when you’re pregnant, did you know that? And isn’t there a baby at the end of a pregnancy? Who will change the diapers?”
My pregnancy was unplanned, but still welcome. I was on birth control and my partner was just beginning graduate school. But the stars (or sperm and egg) still aligned. I immediately knew the pregnancy felt right, even though most people were telling me it was wrong.
My partner needed time to reconcile with the fact that he was going to be a dad and when many of our acquaintances heard this, they latched on.
Did you know that the First Family used to eat takeout every night?
They were just like us, a busy family with 48 hours worth of to-dos to accomplish in 24 hours, children that needed to be fed, and a preference for couch sitting versus taking walks at the end of a long day — oh, and no private chef.
I received this used-to-eat-a-ton-of-takeout tidbit when I went to the White House for a Let’s Move event hosted by Michelle Obama. Let’s Move is an initiative Michelle started in 2010 to end childhood obesity by introducing healthier foods into schools, incorporating exercise into lesson plans, and supporting families in continuing these healthy habits at home.
The idea was birthed when Michelle took her daughters to their family physician (before they lived in the big White House) and was told they needed to make some changes to their diet.
Holy moly! I’m an expert in the recent addition of Pregnancy and Newborn magazine (answering a question I could have asked- and now trying to follow my own advice.)
*I’m not affiliated with any of the attractions listed- I just enjoy them 🙂
Los Angeles is notoriously expensive.
Having children is notoriously expensive.
Mix the two and you may find yourself on a vacation that drains all the piggy banks.
Being a resident of the Los Angeles area, and having a child that likes to occasionally leave our house, I’ve been forced to find fun adventures that don’t make me choose between recreation, and my monthly contribution to my son’s college savings account.
These are my top ten budget-friendly “fun stops” in Los Angeles (not necessarily in order of awesomeness- they’re just all so good.)
Growing up in Pasadena, this was a go-to when friends or family came to visit. This nature extravaganza has twelve gardens and 15,000 plant varieties. Engage the kiddos by creating your own “I Spy Scavenger Hunt” with the massive variety of plant life. Oh, and they have a Free Day the first Thursday of every month! To take advantage, you must reserve your tickets in advance. Click here for more information.
Affordable lodging (that’s pleasant) is hard to come by in Los Angeles. The state parks located on the Pacific Coast Highway offer beautiful camping options and are across the street from fabulous beaches. My favorite is Leo Carrillo- it’s a go-to surf spot for locals and offers fun tide pool exploration during low tide. A short drive from Santa Monica this camp spot offers the charm of nature while being convenient to the city.
3. Beaches
I’ve never been to a beach I didn’t enjoy in Los Angeles. And if the surf is good you’ll be treated to views of world-class surfers performing incomprehensible moves on the waves. Pack plenty of food, water, shade, sunscreen and toys so you can play all day.
This interactive museum allows guests to make their own tunes, listen to music from multiple generations and view famous items like Michael Jackson’s Thriller varsity jacket. The intention of the museum is to educate guests about the history and cultural significance of American music, while encouraging younger generations to explore new forms of music, that are influenced by the past.
Ultimate old-school Hollywood baby. This is where you’ll find the stars (gold stars in the ground- not Leonardo DiCaprio with a Free Hugs sign) and famous handprints in cement. This area of Hollywood has had a major facelift and now offers a glimpse into classic Hollywood- versus seedy Hollywood.
Did you know there’s natural asphalt seeping up through the ground in the middle of LA? Yup. When my brother was a toddler he made my mom take him to these tar pits every week. Every. Week. And I don’t blame him- it’s an incredible sight, especially for those enamored by the ice age. The pits have (fake) animals trying to escape the grip of the pits and the attached museum showcases various ice age fossils extracted from this area.
This is where you go if you want to explore the cosmos- or get some amazing photos of Los Angeles, and the Hollywood sign. You’re able to look through state-of-the-art telescopes, roam through planetary exhibits and (for those over the age of five) view mind-blowing live shows in the planetarium.
This art museum is perched above Los Angeles and offers views-galore. The structure itself is a piece of art, and the gardens and grassy lawn are a fun place for the kids to explore while the adults (with the exception of the supervising adult!) explore the current exhibits.
Rent a few bikes (and a kid’s bicycle trailer seat for the little ones) and ride a portion of the 22 mile Marvin Braude bike trail running through the beaches of Santa Monica. You’ll get a tour of Venice Beach and can stop off at the pier for a few carnival rides.
While you’re in Santa Monica, why not visit some of its natives? This aquarium, whose motto is “When we heal the Earth, we heal ourselves” is home to over 100 species of marine life and offers special events every day of the week- with the exception of Monday, that’s when the animals take their day off.
Extra Tip: Many of these stops allow you to bring in your own food and drink, which I highly recommend. Spending $10 on a bottle of water and mini-bag of chips is not fun.
Toying around with a “pregnancy version” of a feng shui bagua map for the Feng Shui Mommy book 🙂 A work in progress, but having fun mixing the harmony of this ancient Chinese art into the magic of pregnancy and childbirth.
Oh, are you wondering what the heck a bagua map is? The bagua map (BAH-gwa) is a tool used in feng shui to learn which parts of a space correlate with particular areas of life.
My version helps you learn what areas of your life to nurture during different stages of your journey into motherhood.
You begin your journey in the watery North (1st trimester), explore the woods of the East (2nd trimester), absorb the warmth of the South (3rd trimester), then slide into the cool landscape of the West (4th trimester.)
At the center of it all is the grounding presence of the Earth, which holds the power to harmonize the light and dark moments of your journey (yin and yang.)
Are you nervous at the prospect of birthing a stranger? Sure, you love the little nugget floating in your uterus, but do you feel like you know them?
When I was pregnant, I had serious doubts about my ability to “do parenting well.” I felt wholly unprepared and feared the big P-D: postpartum depression.
Because I have control freak tendencies, I became consumed with putting in bonding work before my son was born — I had a deep need to get to know him before he was put in my arms.
Many of the following prenatal bonding activities are practiced in the HypnoBirthing (Mongan Method) childbirth preparation classes I teach, and some are pulled from my personal tinkering.
My heart crumbled when I watched the older boy shove him down, grab his toy, and run away with the other children. My son’s lip puffed out, then was immediately sucked in and bit down on as he balled up his tiny body and fought back tears. I rushed over to him as I pushed down my own ball of tears lodging itself in my throat.
I wrapped my arms around my son and rocked him, feeling so helpless and triggered by my own memories of rejection.
Then, the little boy who had pushed him down returned, handed my son his toy and asked him if he wanted to kick a ball. My tiny man hopped up smiling and ran after the boy howling the toddler cry-of-joy.
When I woke up on my first Mother’s Day, I forgot I was one of the women being celebrated. I prepared breakfast for my own mom and mother-in-law, and I made them both a “We love you!” video, all while spending an hour trying to convince my baby to leave on the clip-on tie we’d bought for the occasion. And then my partner asked me if I wanted to take a break. “Isn’t this supposed to be a day to celebrate you too?”
Music allowed me to hear the voice of my unborn baby.
Be wary of a friend who uses your pregnancy as a soapbox for self-righteousness.
Did you know that the First Family used to eat takeout every night?
Are you nervous at the prospect of birthing a stranger? Sure, you love the little nugget floating in your uterus, but do you feel like you know them?
Bailey Gaddis Blog 