When Hudson was three weeks old, he fell asleep in his infant-carrier- baby-chair thing, and I passed out facedown on the couch. He woke up first. His crying was loud and urgent and pierced through my sleep…but not enough to cause me to pull myself out of my pool of drool. I was so tired, and my limbs felt so heavy, I just lay there, willing myself to go to him but not actually going to him. After what felt like an excessive amount of time I rolled off the couch, crawled to him, pulled him out of the chair thing, laid us both on the carpet, pulled up my shirt, and fell back asleep on the floor as he nursed. It got better, but whoa, man, those first few weeks were brutal. I would get so tired I hallucinated. I fell asleep on the toilet twice.
So yup, super duper extreme fatigue is a natural by-product of being a new mom. You know what’s also a by-product of new mamahood? Feeling guilty about feeling like you’d rather slip into a three-month coma than go to your baby. I’ve had so many moms tell me with guilt-ridden faces that they sometimes hated their babies for messing with their sleep. I would have fleeting moments of thinking I loved my pregnancy pillow more than Hudson.
Even though exhaustion comes with the territory, certain levels of it could be a sign of bigger issues. For example, I later discovered that the postpartum blues I experienced the first two weeks of Hudson’s life likely contributed to my falling-asleep-on-the-floor-and-the-toilet situation. For some moms, the fatigue is a symptom of postpartum depression or various physical ailments. But the thing is, regardless of why you’re bone tired, you want to find a solution like yesterday. Fortunately, there are ways to temper that tired.
What to do
Drink more coffee! Just kidding. (Although a little coffee doesn’t hurt.) But really, the main thing we want to do is figure out how to get you more sleep, help you feel more energized when you have to be awake, and discover if there’s a deeper reason you’re so pooped. Here’s how:
Reconsider your sleeping arrangement. One of the biggest reasons new mamas are so tired during the day is because they get so little sleep at night. Part of this is that baby’s body does not yet know that humans are supposed to sleep when it’s dark and be awake when it’s light. Another part is that baby’s stomach is so small they need some nosh in the wee hours. But the last part, the part you can actually do something about, is your sleeping situation. For example, if you’re spending half your night dragging yourself down the hall to baby’s room, rocking them until they fall asleep, then dragging yourself back to your bed, you might want to talk to baby’s pediatrician about how to create a safe environment for bed-sharing. Or, if you’re bed-sharing and constantly waking up because you’re afraid you’ve rolled on your baby, consider having them sleep in a bedside sleeper, or a bassinet by your bed. To sum it up, toy around with sleeping arrangements until you find one that safely allows you to get more sleep.
Embrace the “nap when they nap” cliché. I rarely listened to this advice and instead did unimportant stuff while Hudson partook in day sleeping. I probably would have been a less scary human if I had just put down the vacuum and napped when he napped. Be smarter than me, and give in to your fatigue when baby gives into theirs. It will make almost every part of life easier.
Get some help. If the “nap when they nap” thing is laughable to you because you have so dang much to do, get your partner to kick it up a notch with their support. If you don’t have a partner, reach out to friends or family members. If you don’t know anyone in your area, contact a local parent support center that can point you in the direction of a postpartum doula or a program that pairs new moms with a volunteer, in-home helper.
Take all the shortcuts. I’m pretty sure exhausted moms invented things like grocery delivery services, frozen meals, cleaning services, those robot vacuums, and dry shampoo. Let yourself off the hook for making home-cooked meals, maintaining a pristine house, and doing all the other nonessential tasks society has told us are essential. All you need to do right now is sleep as often as you can, prioritize your other basic needs, and care for your baby — which doesn’t need to include a daily bath and chic outfits. A wet wipe, fresh diaper, and clean-enough onesie will do just fine.
Take a walk, or just step outside . . . or at least open a window. The body has to work harder for oxygen when it’s indoors, as it’s mainly working with recirculated air. This can exaggerate fatigue. By simply stepping outside or opening some windows, you’re making oxygen more readily available and minimizing your body’s workload. This equals more energy.
If you’re up for a walk, even better, as you’ll get a dose of vitamin D, exercise, and a change of scenery; at least the first two are proven to increase energy. When Hudson was a newborn, my husband Eric suggested a walk around the block every day when he got home from work. I would roll my eyes and resist. “I’m too tired,” I would moan. “I don’t wanna.” But he was persistent, and we’d go. I always felt happier, more energized, and less hostile when we were done. It worked so well, I started taking Hudson on a walk every morning.
Drink more water. Water makes up 55 to 75 percent of our body, and 90 percent of our blood, and it’s essential for cellular homeostasis. As the most essential nutrient, water plays a huge role in how tired we feel. When we’re well hydrated, pressure is relieved on organs like the kidneys, bodily functions don’t have to work as hard, and our blood has more oxygen to carry through the body. This leaves us with enhanced energy for baby tickles, smiling, and general life enjoyment.
My go-to method for drinking enough water is to always have a forty-ounce metal water bottle by my side. I shoot for drinking three of these a day, but even if I just get through it twice I’m still feeling pretty good.
Avoid bottomless coffee. One or two cups of coffee in the morning can work wonders for energy levels. But it’s usually downhill from there. For many, having more than two cups of coffee daily leaves them susceptible to anxiety, which can be really exhausting. This occurs because too much caffeine can prompt your body to pump you full of adrenaline and cortisol. I’m always pretty certain catastrophe is around every corner if I drink more than 1.5 cups a day.
And then there’s when you drink it. Sipping on caffeine after two in the afternoon can make it harder to fall asleep during those precious blips of time when baby allows you to sleep.
Stash healthy snacks everywhere. Food and fatigue are interesting bedfellows. Eat too many heavy, processed foods, and you’re more fatigued. Don’t eat enough food, and you feel fatigued. Eat fresh, nutrient-rich fare, and your fatigue lifts (at least a bit). Help food help you feel less wiped out by keeping healthy snacks in the prime baby-feeding areas. I kept a bag with mixed nuts, dried mangoes, carrot sticks, and some other goodies by my glider chair, bed, and couch.
Explore your emotions. Is your fatigue accompanied by sadness or anxiety? Do you feel incapable of summoning joy? Do you feel like motherhood is just an awful chore? If you answered yes to one or all of these questions, you should not lock yourself in a closet of shame. Some of your fatigue might be caused by postpartum blues or depression. If you suspect that might be what’s up, start the process of seeking support ASAP by scheduling an appointment with your care provider.
Get a physical. While fatigue is a normal (albeit unfortunate) by-product of early motherhood for most women, you might also have a condition that enhances drowsiness, like anemia, certain allergies, fibromyalgia, or hypothyroidism. Let your doctor know how you’re feeling, and request a physical that includes blood work.
Bailey Gaddis Blog 