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The thought of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) keeps me up at night. Why does it happen, and how can I prevent it?

Excerpt from Asking for a Pregnant Friend: 101 Answers to Questions Women Are Too Embarrassed to Ask about Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

I was so afraid of SIDS, I couldn’t fall asleep the first night of Hudson’s life. When I couldn’t hear him breathing, I placed my hand under his nostrils, waiting for the small puff of warm air that would confirm he was still alive. The fear of SIDS would have kept me from sleeping all through the next few months if the bone-deep exhaustion of motherhood hadn’t pulled me under. While many people talk about how amazing life is when a baby sleeps, my baby sleeping was one of my biggest sources of anxiety. And really, how could we not be terrified of SIDS? Defined as the sudden, unexplained death of an infant under the age of one, SIDS usually occurs when the baby stops breathing during sleep. Understandably, we want to figure out why it happens, and how we can prevent it.

While there’s been significant research on the topic, there’s still not a clear understanding of why it happens. But there are many theories, and these have led to certain safeguards we can implement to minimize the risk of this heartbreak striking our families.

The common SIDS risk factors are listed in the sidebar below. But before we get into that, I want to note that rarely does one factor cause SIDS. Often, the following elements must be present for SIDS to occur — if just one is removed, SIDS is much less likely to occur:

Vulnerability: A defect or brain abnormality that impacts a baby’s heart or lung function (such as the serotonin condition described below) can make them more susceptible to SIDS. Essentially, this vulnerability makes it more difficult for the body of a baby faced with an environmental complication (see below) to trigger a protective response.

Environmental complication: While most babies can manage environmental complications like lying facedown on a mattress or overheating, babies who are vulnerable and are six months old or younger are less able to respond protectively and so are at higher risk for SIDS.

Developmental changes: Infants six months old and younger experience rapid growth and change. These changes could temporarily disrupt internal systems that impact breathing. This is one reason why SIDS is most common in babies between the ages of two and six months.

There’s not much you can do about baby’s vulnerability or age, but the “What to do” section (pages 224–26) helps you cancel out most environmental complications.

Common SIDS Risk Factors

Here are many of the most common risk factors for SIDS:

Issue with serotonin-producing neurons: Properly working serotonin neurons are needed to maintain the continued functioning of the heart and lungs. Here’s how it works: The brain facilitates the flow of oxygen to the heart and lungs. If someone has sleep apnea, for example, they stop breathing, and the brain gets alerted that there’s not enough oxygen and too much carbon dioxide. Then the brain triggers a protective process called autoresuscitation, which usually consists of big gasps.

The belief is that in some cases of SIDS this protective mechanism is not triggered. A study done by Harvard Medical School found that when serotonin-producing neurons are inhibited, the brain’s ability to autoresuscitate and save the body from apnea is impeded. Continued research could lead to screening that might help detect infants at higher risk for SIDS.

Sleeping facedown: According to the book SIDS Sudden Infant and Early Childhood Death: The Past, the Present, and the Future, the prone (facedown) position has been found to increase the risk of rebreathing expired gases, overheating, and accidental suffocation. Placing an infant on their side to sleep is also not recommended. In 1994, a campaign called “Back to Sleep” was launched, urging parents to lay babies on their back for sleep. This lowered the rate of SIDS by 50 percent.

Sleeping on a soft surface, or near soft objects: A soft sleep surface or objects that could cover a baby’s face (like blankets, pillows, or stuffed animals) increase the risk for accidental suffocation and overheating.

Rebreathing: This consists of a baby breathing in the air they just exhaled, which causes oxygen levels to drop and carbon dioxide to rise. Putting a baby to sleep on their stomach or having a blanket or other soft material in the crib that can cover their face can result in rebreathing.

Overheating: As overheating could cause respiratory issues or depress a baby’s ability to wake up, it’s been found to be a risk factor for SIDS.

Respiratory infection: An article published in the medical journal Hippokratia found that a mild degree of respiratory viral infection was observed in 80 percent of SIDS cases. In addition, a study published in Immunopharmacology and Immunotoxicology reported that common bacterial toxins found in the respiratory tract, in association with a viral infection, could contribute to SIDS in an infant during a developmentally vulnerable period. An infection can be especially dangerous for a baby sleeping on their stomach, as this prone position could increase airway temperature and stimulate bacterial colonization and bacterial toxin production.

Maternal smoking and secondhand smoke: Maternal smoking during pregnancy is considered one of the greatest risk factors for SIDS, as it can lead to premature birth and low birth weight (both risk factors for SIDS), diminish lung growth, increase the chance of developing respiratory infections, and impair the baby’s ability to wake themselves. And exposure to secondhand smoke after birth could impact the baby’s inflammatory response during an infection and limit their body’s ability to respond to threats to the heart caused by inflammation.

Being born prematurely: A study published in the journal Pediatrics found that many premature babies have impaired blood pressure control, meaning if they have a drop in blood pressure during sleep, their body wouldn’t be able to quickly respond. In addition, premature babies often have a higher risk of developing respiratory distress, do not have strong sucking and swallowing reflexes, and have a higher risk of infection because of an underdeveloped immune system.

Long QT syndrome: This heart rhythm condition can potentially cause fatal arrhythmia — when the heart beats too fast or slow or has an irregular pattern. According to a study in Journal of Biological Research, long QT syndrome accounts for 12 percent of SIDS cases.

Toxins from the mattress: While I want to be super clear that this theory hasn’t been thoroughly tested, I think it’s worth sharing. A New Zealand scientist and chemist, Dr. James Sprott, believes the phosphorous, arsenic, and antimony found in some fire retardants used on crib mattresses can mix with mold created from the baby’s urine, spit-up, and drool to create toxic gas. He believes the inhalation of this gas could contribute to SIDS. An additional theory is that body heat can contribute to the release of volatile organic compounds (VOCs) in mattresses.

Again, this theory hasn’t been conclusively proven, but I think it’s worth it to bypass this potential risk by purchasing an organic crib mattress from a company that’s Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) certified. If that’s too pricey, you may be able to prevent the release of these gases with a mattress cover specifically designed to block toxic gases. (If you’re wondering where the information about cosleeping is, go to question 97.)

As research continues, new potential causes of SIDS will likely be revealed. Your care provider can provide information about the most up-to-date SIDS research.

While there’s no foolproof way to prevent SIDS, the following can help you significantly reduce your baby’s risk:

Practice healthy habits during pregnancy. The American Academy of Pediatrics reports that babies of women who obtain regular prenatal care, do not smoke, and abstain from regular illicit drug and alcohol use during pregnancy have a lower risk for SIDS.

Put baby on their back for sleep. Even if your baby seems to be more soothed on their stomach, always put them to sleep on their back.

Breastfeed. The American Academy of Pediatrics states that babies who are exclusively breastfed have a 50 percent lower risk of SIDS, as breastfeeding provides the following benefits:

  • Supports the baby’s ability to arouse from sleep more easily
  • Decreases incidence of diarrhea, upper and lower respiratory infections, and other infectious diseases
  • Supports the overall immune system
  • Helps the brain systems that control breathing to mature
  • Minimizes allergies that could cause inflammation in air passageways
  • Reduces gastroesophageal reflux
  • Supports the development of the oral cavity and throat muscles, helping to keep the airway open
  • Enhances the mother’s awareness of the baby

Ensure that the crib is empty, and use a sleepsack. Have baby sleep on a firm mattress with a fitted sheet — there should be nothing else in the crib, not even crib bumpers. Regarding clothing, put baby in a breathable sleepsack, which is a “wearable blanket.” This allows them to stay warm without using a blanket that could bunch up around their face. If the weather is so warm that you yourself are using little more than a sheet for coverage, your baby will likely be fine in a onesie or a light sleepsack.

Create a cool environment. As it’s important to prevent overheating, keep the thermostat between sixty-eight and seventy-two degrees Fahrenheit, have a fan on in baby’s sleep area, and clothe them in the aforementioned sleepsack or onesie. In addition, it’s not advised to put them to sleep in a hat, as it can trap heat.

Open windows when weather permits. Fresh air helps keep the air in baby’s sleep environment cool and clean, minimizing SIDS risk factors. If the weather allows and you feel it’s safe, open the windows in your baby’s sleep zone, being sure to insert a window guard when they become mobile.

Cleanse air with plants and an air purifier. Enhance the cleanliness of the air in baby’s room by using an air purifier and placing one or two air-purifying plants in areas of the room they can’t reach. Plants that can cleanse the air of harmful toxins, like trichloroethylene, formaldehyde, benzene, and xylene, include the peace lily, Gerbera daisy, florist’s chrysanthemum, red-edged Dracaena, and English ivy.

Use a firm, GOTS-certified organic crib mattress or a toxin-resistant mattress cover. As the toxins in standard mattresses might increase the risk of SIDS, opt for a GOTS-certified organic crib mattress or wrap the mattress in a cover that’s a “toxic gas shield.”

Make sure baby’s bed adheres to Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) guidelines. A government organization that oversees products sold in the United States, the CPSC provides recommendations for purchasing a safe infant bed; see “Safe Sleep — Cribs and Infant Products Information Center” at cpsc.gov/SafeSleep.

Skip swaddling. While the research is ongoing, a study published in Pediatrics found that swaddling might increase the risk for SIDS, as it could hinder a baby’s ability to wake up during cardiovascular stress.

Have baby sleep in your room for at least the first year of life. A report by the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that babies sleep in their parents’ room for the first twelve months, as this can reduce SIDS by up to 50 percent. While there’s not a definitive reason for this outcome, it’s believed that a baby will arouse from sleep easier when sleeping in a room with others, and that parents are better able to monitor the baby when they’re in the same room.

Consider a bedside sleeper. These aptly named baby beds are essentially bassinets that can be pushed up next to your bed and readjusted so baby is level with you. Some also have a side that can fold down, allowing you to easily access baby. If you go this route, make sure you select a bed that meets CPSC safety standards. Ideally, it will have a thin and firm mattress that’s no more than an inch thick. In addition, net or mesh walls are preferred, as they increase air flow.

Stay away from cigarette smoke. As breathing in secondhand smoke can be incredibly harmful to infants, remove your baby from any area where someone is smoking. And because smoke can linger on furniture, carpet, and other material, it’s best to not have baby in the home of a smoker, which is why it’s strongly advised that any smoker who lives in the same home as an infant quit smoking. In addition, do not let anyone who smokes hold baby, as smoke can linger in hair and clothes.

Ensure that all babysitters and childcare facilities you utilize follow these safety guidelines. Whenever anyone else will be caring for baby, make sure they adhere to this sleeping protocol. If baby will be at a daycare, have someone there walk you through their protocol. You can also stop in during naptime to see them in action.

The same goes for a babysitter; walk them through your sleepy-time routine, ensuring they understand its importance by having them repeat it back to you. You can also provide a simple written reminder. For example, “Put baby to sleep on their back, in their designated, empty bed, without a blanket and in a sleepsack or onesie, depending on temperature. And turn on the fan.”

If a parent or in-law seems resistant, remind them that this is not a request. While they might have done things differently when their children were infants, it’s up to you how your child is put to sleep.

Contact your pediatrician if baby seems to have respiratory issues. As respiratory issues can be a SIDS risk factor, contact your care provider if baby has a cough, breathing issues, or any symptom that concerns you.

Get your copy today.

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What a Chemical Pregnancy Is and What It Means For Your Fertility

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-ge49v-12c50f5

Learn more about what a chemical pregnancy is, if it’s a sign of a fertility issue, and when you can start trying to conceive again after having this type of miscarriage.

To receive more support, get your copy of Asking for a Pregnant Friend: 101 Answers to Questions Women Are Too Embarrassed to Ask about Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

And… 

Email me at BaileyGaddis@yahoo.com if you have any questions about pregnancy, childbirth or early motherhood that you would like answered on this podcast 🙂

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The Medications That Are Safe and Unsafe To Take When Breastfeeding

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-7deuw-12c50e6

A breakdown of the medications many women are surprised to find are typically safe to take when breastfeeding, and those doctors commonly advise against.

To receive more support, get your copy of Asking for a Pregnant Friend: 101 Answers to Questions Women Are Too Embarrassed to Ask about Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

And… 

Email me at BaileyGaddis@yahoo.com if you have any questions about pregnancy, childbirth or early motherhood that you would like answered on this podcast 🙂

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My pet used to feel like my child, but now that I have a human child I never want my pet around because I’m nervous they’ll hurt the baby. Should I find my pet a new home?

Excerpt from Asking for a Pregnant Friend: 101 Answers to Questions Women Are Too Embarrassed to Ask about Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

Isn’t it wild how having a baby can change your perspective of almost everyone in your life? Especially your animals. It’s like one minute your pet is a constant companion and best friend, and then, bam, your baby’s born and that pet suddenly feels like a looming threat. This can feel jarring and heartbreaking. While you’re celebrating and savoring the new love that’s come into your life, you’re also mourning the relationship you’re losing. Because even if your pet is able to stay in your home, it’s unlikely your bond will ever be the same, as you now have a new creature to dote on. On the other hand, if you determine it’s safe to keep your pet, their life may become even richer as they develop their own bond with baby. Everyone can win.

Regarding your fear of your pet hurting the baby, there’s no guarantee either way. But there are ways to objectively look at the situation and make a decision that’s best for all involved. And luckily, it’s not very often that a family needs to remove a pet from their home for baby’s safety. In most cases, training, limiting and/or supervising your fur-baby’s contact with your human baby and taking other precautions can ensure your baby’s safety without the need to say goodbye to your pet.

What to do

Here are some ideas to keep your baby safe while also nurturing your pet’s well-being:

Consider whether your pet has ever been violent. One of the best ways to determine if your pet will cause harm to your baby is to review their history. Has your pet been aggressive toward other animals or humans? How do they react to children? Is there anything about their personality or history that would lead you to believe they might cause harm to your baby? Answering these questions honestly can be an important first step in making your final decision about rehoming.

Hire a trainer. A trainer can not only help your pet break bad habits but can also help you determine if they’re a threat to your baby, as animal trainers are often experts in the behaviors of their animal-of-choice and know the signs that indicate an animal could be a danger to others. If the trainer believes your pet is safe to stay in your home, and you agree, you can ask them to help your pet break certain habits to create a safer environment for baby. For example, if you have a dog that jumps on people, is used to sleeping on your bed and getting on other furniture, and normally goes into the room that is now the nursery, the trainer can help you teach them that those habits are no longer allowed. If you’re reading this during pregnancy, I recommend working with a trainer before baby is born.

Introduce your pet to baby’s scent. As most animals have a heightened sense of smell, prepare your pet for the array of new odors baby will supply by having them smell an article of clothing that the baby has worn, before they meet the baby. Pet them as they’re taking a whiff, as this can help them create positive associations with the baby’s scent.

Don’t leave your pet alone with the baby. Make sure you’re always present when your pet and baby are near one another. Both children and animals can be erratic, so you’ll want to monitor all interactions until your baby is much older. In addition, begin teaching your baby that it’s not okay to pull the dog or cat’s tail, for example, by gently removing their hand if such an action occurs.

Stay aware of your pet’s emotions. Keep an eye on how your pet responds when they hear baby cry, for example, or when they’re simply around baby. Is their personality unchanged? Are they acting more aggressive or skittish than usual? Do they seem depressed? Do they shake or show other signs of anxiety when baby cries? Are they indicating stress by averting their eyes or moving away when baby is around? Your observations can inform how you navigate their relationship with your baby. A trainer can also provide invaluable insight into what various behaviors indicate, and what, if anything, should be done.

Tip: You can prepare your pet for your baby’s cries and other noises by playing recordings of baby sounds when you’re pregnant. It can be telling to see how they respond to the recording.

Organize extra care for your pet. Because your pets will likely be dealing with emotions that range from irritation to depression as your attention shifts from them to the baby, ensure they still feel the love by asking friends or family members to spend time with them during the first few weeks postpartum. If you have a dog, find people who can take them for a walk or a romp at the dog park. If you have a cat, ask a fellow cat lover to come over and give them attention. And of course whenever possible, remind your pets they’re still important to you by carving out bits of time throughout the day to spend with them. In addition, when your pet is with you and baby, be sure to also pay attention to them so they don’t feel jealous of the baby.

Ease into baby-pet interactions. When you’ve determined it’s safe to allow your pet to meet your baby, take it slow. Start by having someone hold your pet while you hold the baby, and allow the pet to slowly move toward the baby. They’ll likely sniff them, and maybe give a little lick. During this initial interaction (and all the following) stay as calm as possible, as pets and babies are sensitive to our energy and will react accordingly. A tense mood makes everyone else tense. So take deep breaths, and trust that the meeting will go great.

Read Good Dog, Happy Baby. This excellent book by dog trainer Michael Wombacher provides an effective twelve-step process for preparing your dog and family for a new baby.

Know that you’re not a horrible person if you need to find your fur- baby a new home. As heartbreaking as it is to determine your baby really isn’t safe around your pet, the decision to find them a new home will be best for all involved. Not only will you be keeping your baby safe, but you’ll also be ensuring your pet doesn’t spend the rest of their life being scolded and shut off from the family, and you won’t have to suffer the distress of being the one to hand out that punishment. While it’s devastating to say goodbye, you’re ultimately doing right by all involved.

Get your copy today.

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When Is the Earliest You Can Take a Positive Pregnancy Test

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-jrm82-12c50d5

Discover the absolute earliest time you might be able to get a positive result on a pregnancy test.

And… 

Email me at BaileyGaddis@yahoo.com if you have any questions about pregnancy, childbirth or early motherhood that you would like answered on this podcast 🙂

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How To Soothe Itchy Boobs During Pregnancy

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-5yznj-12b196e

Learn more about why boobs get itchy during pregnancy, and what to do about it.

 

To receive more support, get your copy of Asking for a Pregnant Friend: 101 Answers to Questions Women Are Too Embarrassed to Ask about Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

And… 

Email me at BaileyGaddis@yahoo.com if you have any questions about pregnancy, childbirth or early motherhood that you would like answered on this podcast 🙂

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Since giving birth to my second baby, I’ve been finding my first child kind of irritating. Am I a bad mom for not feeling equal favor for my children?

Excerpt from Asking for a Pregnant Friend: 101 Answers to Questions Women Are Too Embarrassed to Ask about Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

While most parents swear they feel the same about all their children, that’s usually not true. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 74 percent of mothers and 70 percent of fathers reported preferential treatment toward one child. This isn’t surprising, as personalities, shifting life circumstances, and a slew of other factors impact how we feel about the people in our life, meaning there will be seasons when we enjoy spending time with some people more than others — and our children aren’t immune to this.

While you probably love all your children so much you’d die for them, that doesn’t mean you equally enjoy spending time with all of them. For example, you might have an adorable baby who can’t talk back, a four-year-old who worships the ground you walk on, and a teenager who primarily communicates with eye rolls. Not surprisingly, you’d probably prefer to hang with the little ones. Even if your children are close in age, you’ll likely still have your “favorite.” Like if the two-year-old has intense emotions that trigger you, and your baby is super mellow, you’ll probably favor the baby. There is nothing wrong with any of this. You can love all your children unconditionally while not liking them equally.

Something else to consider is that your older child might be feeling especially “needy” right now. They can sense that your focus has shifted, and they want your attention. Many children, even older ones, often seek this attention by acting out of character or creating disturbances. Essentially, they create circumstances that force you to pay attention to them. And because sleep deprivation and the endless needs of a newborn make it hard to recognize the deeper meaning of these outbursts, it’s easy to lash out and create even more of a divide between you and your child. This will probably resolve itself as your family settles into its new structure, but in the meantime, you can call on your partner or other adults close to your older child to spend more time with them. You can also ask these adults to take the baby for short stints so you can spend one-on-one time with your firstborn, even if it’s the last thing you want to do. (No judgment!)

It’s also important to remember that your favor may shift as you and your children change. As life continues molding your family, you might find that one child’s irritating traits are dissolving, while your “favorite” child begins getting under your skin. And remember, that preverbal baby will eventually find their voice, and it’s anyone’s guess how you’ll respond to what they have to say. Isn’t parenthood exciting?!

What to do

Keep reminding yourself that while it’s totally normal to like one child more than the other, it’s still important to not engage in differential treatment (aka treating one child better than the other) and to continually ensure that all your children know how loved they are. These activities can help you do that:

Examine what bugs you about the child you don’t like as much. It can feel really icky to not know why you don’t like one of your children as much as the other. This not-knowing can lead you to believe you’re a bad mom, cold hearted, or just destined to have a tumultuous relationship with that child. I don’t think any of that is true. I’ll bet there are specific reasons why certain things about your child trigger you. Let’s figure out what they are.

When you find yourself inwardly (or outwardly) rolling your eyes at this child or gritting your teeth, notice that. Press pause and objectively look at what’s happening. What about this moment is irritating you? Is your child responding to something in the same way your partner does, a way that you wish they didn’t? Are they responding in the opposite way that you would, and that’s triggering? Does their behavior remind you of someone you don’t like, and that dislike is being reflected onto your child? Does their behavior remind you of flaws in yourself you want to avoid? Is your child acting needy in a moment where you feel stretched thin? Unravel the situation until you figure out what the core source of your annoyance is.

Developing this deeper understanding about your child and how you respond to them will support you with the upcoming activities, and help you realize that neither of you have a fatal flaw or are intentionally trying to irritate one another. You’re both just doing your best to feel loved, seen, and heard as your family adapts to the big changes brought on by a new baby.

Create intentional opportunities to bond with your not-the-favorite child. Now that you’ve started pinpointing why your child irks you, brainstorm activities you can do together that have the lowest potential for irritation. For example, snuggling on the couch and watching a movie, making a smoothie, or building a LEGO tower might be situations that allow you to be together without getting peeved with each other. When it’s time to do activities like cleaning up, brushing teeth, getting dressed, or other tasks that typically find you and your child clashing, you could tap out and call in your partner, at least while you have a newborn. While this won’t always be possible, being aware of situations that typically cause you to get frustrated with your child, having another adult take on these situations, and investing time in the activities that are usually harmonious can begin shifting your parent-child relationship.

Talk with your partner. If you have a partner in this parenting thing, they can help you see your relationships with your children more clearly. They likely witness your interactions with the kids more than any other adult and can support you in identifying dynamics you’re not aware of, or easing up when you’re too hard on yourself. For example, they can let you know if your actions make your favoritism clear, and if you’re overly harsh with the child that’s bugging you. They can also help you make a plan for how the two of you can provide all the children equal care and attention, which might look like them picking up the slack with the child who’s frustrating you, making sure they don’t feel neglected.


Help your kids feel emotionally safe. If you sense the child you don’t favor as much is picking up on your energy, remind them how much you love them and let them know what’s going on — in an age-appropriate way. For example, my friend Amy has an eleven-year-old son who really irritates her. “He is me in a little boy’s body,” she said. “He’s constantly showing me all the things I don’t like about myself, and I have no patience for it.” Her daughter, on the other hand, has a temperament similar to Amy’s husband’s. “She’s so easy to be with,” Amy said. “Sometimes when I’m spending time with her in the morning and her brother wakes up, I feel angry. I feel like he’s going to ruin my mood before he even does anything.”

Needless to say, Amy was wracked with guilt about this, especially when her son straight up asked, “Mom, why don’t you like me?” Amy was inclined to tell him all the things that would make him feel better, but she decided that would only mask the problem. Instead, she told him that because he was so much like her, he sometimes reminded her of things in herself she wanted to change. She told him it wasn’t fair to take this out on him, and asked him to let her know when she was being unkind. He now says, “Mom, are you seeing you in me?” when he senses that he’s bugging her.

If Amy’s son had been younger, she probably wouldn’t have gone into the whole “You remind me of me” thing, as he might not have been able to process that. Instead, she could have acknowledged his feelings, asked questions to get more insight into what was making him feel unliked, and then assured him that things would change.

Above all, stay aware of how you’re treating each child so you can avoid hurting anyone, glean insights into how to improve these relationships, and tune into your children so you can tell when they are in need of reassurance that you love them deeply.

Get your copy today.

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Why You Might Get Super Hairy Everywhere When Pregnant

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-urr7k-12b1968

The lowdown on why pregnant women can grow excess body hair, and when it’s a sign of a health issue.

And… 

Email me at BaileyGaddis@yahoo.com if you have any questions about pregnancy, childbirth or early motherhood that you would like answered on this podcast 🙂

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What To Do About Skin Issues When Pregnant

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-cuhxj-12b1962

Insight into why some pregnant women get acne and dark spots on their face, and what to do about it.

And… 

Email me at BaileyGaddis@yahoo.com if you have any questions about pregnancy, childbirth or early motherhood that you would like answered on this podcast 🙂

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I have a loved one who had a miscarriage and seems to have a hard time being around my baby. How should I navigate this relationship?

Excerpt from Asking for a Pregnant Friend: 101 Answers to Questions Women Are Too Embarrassed to Ask about Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

Very gently, and without your defenses up. The reaction your loved one is having has nothing to do with how they feel about you or your baby, and everything to do with their emotions about their pregnancy loss. They are probably navigating immense grief, and being around someone that has the one thing they want most can feel heartbreaking. I learned this the hard way.

One of my closest friends — we’ll call her Zoe — had a miscarriage when my son Hudson was two. Zoe and Hudson had an amazing bond that evaporated as soon as she lost her baby. She would tense when Hudson ran to her for a hug, and she avoided his requests to play. He was heartbroken, and I was irritated. “Can’t she see that she’s hurting his feelings?” I would think. I never said anything, but I’m sure I was giving off a vibe.

I didn’t get it until I went out to lunch with her one day. Every time we neared a pregnant woman or small child, Zoe would stiffen and look away. When a woman with a stroller sat near us at the restaurant, I noticed her bite her cheek, resisting tears. She was suffering. I had been so wrapped up in how Hudson was responding to her standoffishness that I hadn’t really seen her pain. From that point forward, I planned meetups that didn’t involve Hudson or the high potential of running into any of her other triggers. I would go over to her house, take her out for a drink, go to a belly dancing class, or do anything that distracted her from motherhood, even if it was only for a few hours. And you can be sure I didn’t bring up mom life when we were together.

After Zoe eventually gave birth to a healthy baby girl, she brought up her postmiscarriage reaction to children. “It killed me to not hang out with Hudson, and my sister’s kids,” she said. “But it all made me angry, and so sad I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I wasn’t angry at any of you, I was just mad at life, and my body, and how unfair everything felt. You and my sister were my safe places, but when your kids were around, being with either of you sucked.” She told me how the situation with her sister was especially complicated because all family gatherings involved her kids. “Of course I didn’t expect her to not bring her kids to, like, Easter dinner, but I kind of wish my family would’ve given me an out for some of those things. I just wanted permission to be sad, and disgruntled, and not show up for a while.”

And there it is. She wanted permission from the people who loved her to navigate the miscarriage in whatever way she needed. She didn’t want people trying to cheer her up or saying, “That will be you soon enough” when watching kids running around. She wanted people to tell her that everything she was feeling was okay, and they’d be there for her no matter how much or little she needed them. She wanted people to check in, without forcing a hangout.

While every woman handles the loss of a pregnancy in a different way, almost every woman I’ve known who has navigated miscarriage relates to this story, myself included. They want you to be there for them without unknowingly subjecting them to more pain. Sound tricky? It doesn’t have to be.

What to do

Here’s how to show up for your loved one during her journey through pain and loss, without sacrificing joy for your journey into motherhood:

Let her lead the way. The person best able to provide insight into how you can support your friend is your friend. Request one-on-one time with her, and ask how you can best support her. You can throw her a major bone by letting her know up front that you’re cool hanging without your baby and will do your best to not talk about motherhood, unless she brings it up. This will likely make her feel relieved, as she might have been nervous about making these requests. Letting her know that she can’t offend you with her requests will make her feel safe to share and spend time with you.

Give her an out. While you don’t want to withhold invitations to gatherings, it’s compassionate to let her know you totally get it if she doesn’t feel comfortable attending. This helps her feel included, without the pressure. And while it’s tempting to say something along the lines of, “You totally don’t have to come, but I really hope you do,” I would cut out the second half of that sentence. We mean well when letting someone know how much we’d love them to show up, but all it does is put social pressure on them. Instead, convey a message along the lines of, “If you want to come, please do. But I also completely understand if you don’t feel up for it. Whatever you want is the best decision.”

Regularly send a “thinking of you” text. I have a client who experienced a miscarriage, divorce, and cancer diagnosis in the same year. “I felt a big need to go within,” she said, reflecting about that year. “I told my people I needed space, and everyone listened. They listened so much that I completely stopped hearing from them. I didn’t blame them, because I had pretty much told them to do that — but it made me feel isolated. Then my cousin started sending short texts. She’d write, ‘Hey! You don’t need to respond but I just wanted to let you know I love you and am thinking of you.’ She would send some variation of that a few times a week. I usually didn’t respond, but I appreciated those notes so much. It made me feel like even though I was in a space where I needed solitude, I hadn’t been forgotten.”

You can be like this cousin, sending loving, no-strings-attached messages to let your friend know she’s not alone, even if she wants to physically be alone. If you don’t receive a response, it doesn’t mean she didn’t appreciate the thought. Don’t give up on her; just keep letting her know you care.

Tip: Add to your thoughtful texts by occasionally having your friend’s favorite treats or flowers sent to her house. You could also send a comfort box from an infant loss support program like Three Little Birds (threelittlebirdsperinatal.org) or a card from the #IHadAMiscarriage line (shop.drjessicazucker.com).


Don’t bring up your baby unless she does. Baby-brain tries to wipe the memory of everything but baby topics, which might be the last thing your friend wants to talk about. I used to prepare for meet-ups with friends I assumed didn’t want to talk baby by making a list of interests we shared. My overpreparing tendencies would then lead me to Google those topics to come up with interesting stuff to talk about. You obviously don’t have to do that, but you might prep yourself to keep anything pregnancy or parenting related from slipping out of your mouth. And of course, your friend may straight up ask you about, or bring up, baby or parenting topics — if so, share openly, while being careful not to go overboard. Pay attention to her nonverbal cues, slyly shifting the conversation if you notice she is becoming uncomfortable. While the first few conversations with her might feel forced and awkward, you’ll eventually become comfortable with the new unspoken guidelines of your relationship.


Let her know you’re comfortable hearing about what she’s going through. Sadly, some women feel like a pariah after a miscarriage. They feel like people are tiptoeing around them, trying to ignore the death-colored elephant in the room. You can minimize this discomfort and make your friend feel safe to share by asking if she wants to talk about how she’s feeling. She might not, but just knowing you’re not afraid of the topic might help her feel like she’s not an island no boat wants to stop at.

Call her baby by name. If your friend shared the name of her baby, use it when talking with her. This helps convey that you don’t think of the miscarriage as trivial, that you understand a child she was deeply connected to passed.

Don’t feel guilty for your joy. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have every right to have a beautiful, healthy baby — and to be happy about that. While you don’t have to talk about that beautiful baby with your friend, you do get to feel shame-free gratitude for motherhood.

Get your copy today.

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How To Love Your Body During Pregnancy, Or At Least Like It

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-sfwfe-12b195d

Support for navigating a negative body image during pregnancy and finding acceptance and even gratitude for your changing body and appearance.

 

And… 

Email me at BaileyGaddis@yahoo.com if you have any questions about pregnancy, childbirth or early motherhood that you would like answered on this podcast 🙂

birth podcast, Childbirth, Pregnancy, pregnancy podcast

The Essential Guide To Pregnancy Discharge (You Didn’t Know You Wanted)

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-xvigx-12b1963

Everything you need to know about the color, consistency, and odor of discharge during pregnancy, when it’s a problem, and what you can do about it.

And… 

Email me at BaileyGaddis@yahoo.com if you have any questions about pregnancy, childbirth or early motherhood that you would like answered on this podcast 🙂

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I know there’s a whole movement about not judging mothers, but I’m still afraid I’ll be judged. How can I feel secure in my parenting decisions and manage the judgment when it comes?

Excerpt from Asking for a Pregnant Friend: 101 Answers to Questions Women Are Too Embarrassed to Ask about Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

There sure is a movement to stop judging mothers. And for good reason! Us poor mamas have everything from side-eye to full-on trolling thrown at us for putting even a finger out of line. But where to put “the line” is the biggest problem. What’s the definition of that line? Where the heck does it live? Each parenting camp (and there are many) will give you a different answer to those questions. And all of those camps are certain their way of parenting is The Way to parent. It’s a dangerous recipe for excessive judgment that sadly causes mothers to feel unsure and shamed about their parenting choices.

I wish I could tell you the movement to let moms be has resulted in a rosy world where all parenting trolls say, “You know what, I don’t agree with you, but that’s okay! I’m sure you have your reasons.” But it hasn’t. The judgment still exists, and not just on the internet. Family gatherings, mommy-and-me groups, preschools, parks, and all the other places where mothers and offspring congregate can be ground zero for judgment, even from people who know better and mean well. And it will probably always be that way.

So what to do? Luckily, I’ve developed this fairy dust that you blow in the face of anyone who starts judging your parenting, and they suddenly understand where you’re coming from. Or no…maybe I haven’t. But wouldn’t that be cool?

What’s actually cooler is the realization that the only person we need to convince to stop judging us is ourselves. When we figure out how to be solid in our unique parenting choices and realize it’s not the right way, or the wrong way, but our way, we’re free to stop caring (at least as much) about the judgments that come from external sources. It’s like my mom said for the entirety of my teen years and was annoyingly right about, “What other people think and say about you has nothing to do with you.” You just need to get right with you.

The main reason people judge another’s parenting decision is because that decision is different from what they’re doing, and they process it as that person implying that they’re doing it wrong. Their judgments are essentially saying, “Nah-ah, I’m not doing it wrong, you’re doing it wrong.” So ultimately, the judgment comes down to that person’s own stuff. I know this because I used to be a big-time judger. I wouldn’t do it openly; I would do it behind people’s backs like a civilized person. When I finally started looking at why I did that, I realized that every time I judged someone’s parenting choice it was because that choice ignited my own insecurity. For example, I had a friend who shared how they no longer let their toddler have screen time because he got too obsessed with it. I was so triggered by this. I immediately went to my husband and was like, “There’s no way they’re actually doing that. They have to be lying. And if they’re not lying, they’re just going to make their kid obsessed with screens when they’re older because they were deprived as a child.” My judgments completely came from the fact that I was feeling guilty about how much screen time I let our son have. But I didn’t want to give it up because it made life so much easier. I was fighting hard to feel okay about my choice, even though I didn’t. As you can see, those harsh judgments were all about me and my stuff.

What to do

Keep reminding yourself that judgments aren’t personal and that you can trust yourself — then try the following:

Above all, listen to feedback from your intuition. You already know the best way to parent your unique child, in the unique circumstances you live in. Deep down, it’s all there. But the opinions of others, books by the experts, how we were parented, and various other factors muddy the waters, making us second guess our decisions.

To step out of that muddiness and make decisions that feel intuitively right, get into a quiet space and ask yourself about the parenting decision you’ve been conflicted about. For example, “Where should my baby sleep?” When the voice of your mother or that expert or whomever starts babbling, push them away. Seek the answer that makes your insides happy. When you find the right answer for you, your stomach will unclench, your chest will feel light, and your heart will say, “Yes! That feels right!” And you don’t have to ask permission to listen to these feelings. You can just do what feels right.

And the cool thing with decisions is, you can always change them. If you decide cosleeping is right for your family, but then circumstances change and it no longer seems like the best option, you can edit what you’re doing. And while many parenting decisions might have to be made with a partner, you’ll be able to discuss the options with more clarity when you first determine what decision makes your insides happy.

Caveat: Some of your decisions will come more from that place in your brain that’s craving ease than your deep wells of wisdom — and that’s okay. We will never be perfect parents. We will sometimes be like, “Yeah, I know I shouldn’t let my kid watch so much SpongeBob, but it’s saving my sanity right now, so oh well.” We’ve all been there. Heck, I’m there while I type this.

If someone’s disapproval triggers you, explore that. When my mom gently insinuates that I might try something different with Hudson, I. Get. So. Angry. Irrationally angry. When I started looking at where that came from, I noticed that the angrier I got over a suggestion, the more my insides (those traitors!) thought she was right. She knows me so well. She knows when I’m not honoring my instincts. And I hate when she’s right, because obviously we all hate when our moms are right, right?

So if someone’s judgment really ticks you off, explore whether you’re being triggered because what they’re suggesting is what you actually feel is best deep down, or because it just doesn’t feel good to be judged. If it’s the latter, remember that their response to your choices has way more to do with them than you, and go on your merry way.

Find soothing tools for when you’re triggered. When I feel judged I immediately get defensive. I want to lash out. Sometimes I do lash out. But when I catch myself, I keep my ego from raging by saying, “I hear you, but I really have to pee. Let’s press pause on this, and I’ll be right back.” It sounds ridiculous, but it works like a charm. This protocol gives me the opportunity to be alone and get hold of my emotions. I’m able to step away from what was said and figure out if the person was being hostile, trying to be helpful, or just making an offhand comment they didn’t intend as a judgment. Usually, I’m able to come back to the conversation with some perspective and more self-control.

You certainly don’t have to use my “I gotta pee” trick, but I encourage you to make a plan for how you’ll respond when judgment causes an ego flare-up.

Feel free to not share your parenting philosophy. If you’re with someone you know won’t understand your parenting choices, you have every right to not discuss them. For example, if your judgy in-laws are constantly asking why you do this or that with your child, you don’t have to explain yourself. You can simply say, “It’s just something that works for our family. We’re not saying it’s the way everyone needs to parent, but it’s the way we’re choosing to parent.” If they harp on about what they think you should do or how kids were parented “in their day,” feel free to just smile and nod while using your brain power to figure out which Netflix show to watch tonight, or tell them your tampon is leaking and walk away.

Steer clear of toxic parenting spaces, online and IRL. Certain Facebook groups, some parenting forums, get-togethers with parents you know you aren’t aligned with . . . these are all environments where toxic judgments run amok. While of course there are exceptions, you’d be wise to avoid gatherings you believe will be saturated with strong, maybe even hurtful opinions, especially when you’re still trying to figure out how you want to mother. There’s nothing wrong with guarding your heart.

Broaden your perspective on judgment from loved ones. The potential exception to my “stay away from toxic environments” spiel is family gatherings. While certain familial situations are definitely toxic and should be avoided, there are others that are uncomfortable just because a family member is having an awkward time being involved in your child’s life.

For example, let’s say one of your child’s grandparents gets to see them only twice a year. Every time you see that grandparent, they might be full of suggestions for how to parent. You would be within your right to be incredibly irritated by this. But riddle me this — what if the unsolicited advice was the family member’s misguided way of feeling more connected to your child? What if they feel that sharing their “wisdom” is a gift that will enhance your family’s life? If you suspect this is where a judgy family member is coming from, you might help them find other ways of feeling connected — for example, taking on some feedings or diaper changes or, in the case of older kids, having a few one-on-one outings. If this doesn’t stop the “Maybe you should try. . .” comments, feel free to straight-up tell them that while you respect their insight, you’ll let them know if it’s needed.

Resist the urge to make your own judgments. While placing judgment can feel so juicy in the moment, the “high” never lasts. Moral of the story: If we don’t want others to judge us, we shouldn’t judge them. We’re all doing the best we can, and we all deserve more under- standing and “you do you” from our fellow parents.

Get your copy today.

birth podcast, Childbirth, Pregnancy, pregnancy podcast

Why Your Vagina Might Be Stinky During Pregnancy, And What To Do About It

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-9f4kz-129504d

Tips for safely managing the odors of your vagina during pregnancy, and when they might be a sign of a problem.

And… 

Email me at BaileyGaddis@yahoo.com if you have any questions about pregnancy, childbirth or early motherhood that you would like answered on this podcast 🙂

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I get really defensive when I receive unsolicited parenting advice. It’s so bad I’ve been snapping at strangers and find it hard to be around friends and family members who have kids. How can I navigate this advice without creating tension?

Excerpt from Asking for a Pregnant Friend: 101 Answers to Questions Women Are Too Embarrassed to Ask about Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

Unsolicited advice is composed of an interesting mix of motivations and emotions, as the advice-giver is usually trying to make themselves feel important and helpful, while the advice-receiver often feels like they’re being told they don’t know what they’re doing. For the most part, the only kind of advice that doesn’t cause tension is the solicited kind. So yup, it’s perfectly natural for your hackles to rise when someone starts preaching

about sleep training, insists you’ll kill the planet if you use disposable diapers, or shares some other opinion that primarily serves to pump up their ego. And while you have every right to be annoyed or defensive, remember that you and the advice-giver likely have two completely different perceptions of the conversation. They think the two of you are bonding over their knowledge and helpfulness, while you feel like they’re judging your parenting and putting their opinions where they don’t belong. Keeping that in mind can significantly reduce your defensiveness.

Something else that could be happening is that you’re feeling insecure about your parenting knowledge and choices, and need space to figure out what feels best for you. People telling you what you should do can make you feel rushed to make decisions and even more insecure about your base of knowledge. If you’re feeling this way, I encourage you to remember that you’re the expert on your child. You’re the guru of your family, even if you haven’t consumed as much parenting literature as the other person or haven’t found all the answers. (And spoiler alert: no one ever finds all the answers.) So instead of letting the advice get to you, take it as a sign that it might feel good to take some alone time to meditate on what’s going on with your baby, yourself, or your family and what solution intuitively feels right. If you don’t know where to start, use that alone time to research the issue and make a list of potential solutions that resonate with you.

It’s also common to feel the urge to tell the advice-giver why certain advice wouldn’t work for your family and, in the case of something like corporal punishment, why you think it’s wrong. But the fact is, they don’t want to hear it, and you don’t want to waste your breath. You don’t have to convince them their advice is misguided, or the way you’re doing something is working fine, or you’re confident you can come up with a solution on your own. You don’t owe them any explanation, and you don’t have to get sucked into a parenting debate — save your energy for something enjoyable. Here are some tips for slipping away from advice sessions with minimal effort and emotion.

What to do

Scream “No!” when someone tries to give you advice. Just kidding. Try this:

Keep parenting challenges to yourself when you’re with chronic advice-givers. Minimize the chance of receiving advice that might activate your defensiveness and anger by dodging parenting conversations with people prone to offering advice.

Compose go-to responses. When most people give advice, the response they want is an unsarcastic version of, “Oh my gosh, thank you! I never would have thought of that. You’re a genius! What would I do without your superior insights?” But you don’t have to give them that. You get to think of a response that allows you to shut down the outpouring of advice without getting into an argument. I usually say something like, “Hmm. That’s interesting. I’ll think about it.” If they continue with the advice, I’ll interrupt with an, “I’m so sorry but I think my baby just pooped. I’ll be right back.” And then I’m not right back.

Here are additional responses you can tinker with:

  • “[Insert the parenting choice here] is working just fine for us. No need to fix what isn’t broken.”
  • “It sounds like that worked great for your family. I love how there’s so many unique ways to raise a child, and that every family gets to make their own decisions.”
  • “I’m sure that’s an ideal option for some families. We’re going to keep doing what feels right for us.”
  • “We tried that, but it didn’t work for us. Just shows that each child is different!”
  • “I’m doing what the pediatrician advised.” And it doesn’t matter if this is a lie — it will likely shut down the advice or judgment, as people are often loath to go against the word of an expert.
  • “Luckily, we don’t have to agree on the right way to [insert parenting topic here]. We can each do it our own way.”
  • “Thanks for your concern.”
  • “I’ll keep that in mind. Anyways, tell me about that book club you joined.”

Check in with yourself after receiving advice. After you’ve gotten out of an unwanted-advice conversation, take a pause and look objectively at the advice. Do you instinctually know it won’t work for your family? Does it go against your parenting philosophy? If so, fuggedaboutit. But if the advice sparked some interest, file it away for later use.

Remember that the advice-giver is (probably) coming from a good place. Most people aren’t trying to insult or annoy when they give advice — usually, they’re genuinely trying to help. Hold on to this belief when they blast you with their counsel. While you don’t have to agree, or even listen to it, remembering that they’re probably not intending to insult you can help you stay calm enough to gently extract yourself from the conversation, instead of raging.

Avoid being the advice-giver. I like to preach about how annoying unsolicited advice is, but I myself give it all the time. And I’m working on this. Be better than me and swallow your advice when it tiptoes to the tip of your tongue. I can almost guarantee that people would prefer your empathy or your questions about what they think they should do over your wisdom (as wise as it might be). And of course, if they ask for your opinion, you can let it rip.

Get your copy today.

birth podcast, Childbirth, Pregnancy, pregnancy podcast

Getting Over Blocks About Sex During Pregnancy

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-h7dar-129504a

Tips for getting more comfortable having sex during pregnancy, and maybe even turning it into the best sex of your life.

And… 

Email me at BaileyGaddis@yahoo.com if you have any questions about pregnancy, childbirth or early motherhood that you would like answered on this podcast 🙂

birth podcast, Childbirth, Pregnancy, pregnancy podcast

Everything You Need to Know About Masturbating During Pregnancy

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-x8vqr-1295046

Discover why you might be almost constantly aroused during pregnancy, and if it’s safe to masturbate.

And… 

Email me at BaileyGaddis@yahoo.com if you have any questions about pregnancy, childbirth or early motherhood that you would like answered on this podcast 🙂

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I don’t feel connected to my baby. I don’t even like to look at them. Am I a monster?

Excerpt from Asking for a Pregnant Friend: 101 Answers to Questions Women Are Too Embarrassed to Ask about Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

You’re not a monster. Not even a little bit. You’re one of the many women facing postpartum blues or postpartum depression. According to a study published in Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, one in nine women experience symptoms of postpartum depression. But some believe the number is actually much higher, as many mothers don’t feel comfortable talking about their depressive symptoms.

While it’s easy to convince yourself that the lack of connection with your baby is a sign you’re lacking some essential “good mother” chip, it probably just means that wonky hormones, plus the ingredients of exhaustion and extreme change, are impacting your ability to bond. However, just because the causes of what you’re experiencing aren’t dark and sinister doesn’t mean you’re not feeling like this is the end of the world. Many of us are given the consistent message — especially during pregnancy — that the bond between a mother and child is unbreakable. That it’s the greatest love story we’ll ever experience. When that’s not our reality, it can feel life shattering.

Something important to remember as you navigate this likely heartbreaking experience is that it’s temporary. While any form of anxiety or depression can easily trick us into thinking we’ll never feel better, that’s rarely the case.

If you’re sad and unable to develop a bond in the two weeks following baby’s birth, you might be facing the common phenomenon of postpartum blues, which is believed to be caused by a combination of your hormone levels plunging and a struggle to adapt to the abrupt changes of motherhood. If the feelings of sadness and disconnection don’t lift after two weeks, you might be experiencing postpartum depression.

It’s also important to realize that you’re not scarring your child, or your future bond with them, by not feeling connected now. The mother-child bond develops over a lifetime, and it will happen for you, even if you first have to navigate medical and emotional support. And it’s wise to seek that support. Sadly, about 60 percent of women with symptoms of depression do not receive a clinical diagnosis, and 50 percent of women with a diagnosis do not receive treatment. As added incentive to seek support, consider this: studies have shown that while postpartum depression can have short-term impacts on infants, there are rarely long-term emotional effects if the mother receives treatment early-on.

What to do

Get help, as you should not have to navigate this pain alone. While I totally get the resistance to being open about your depression (I waited two years before I asked for help!), I can almost guarantee that your care provider won’t judge you. They’ll probably be relieved you were brave enough to speak up. And I want to remind you again that postpartum blues or depression is not a fatal character flaw, it’s a very common by-product of going through the intense physical and mental shifts of pregnancy, childbirth, and early motherhood. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother, or that you’ll never bond with your baby. Asking for help is actually one of the best things you can do for your baby.

Here are a few support-steps you’ll likely need to take:

See your primary care provider. The first stop on the path to moving past postpartum blues or depression is your care provider. They can help evaluate what’s going on and refer you to a mental health specialist. They might also prescribe medication, like an antidepressant. For many women, medication is a key player in getting out of the grips of postpartum depression.

Be consistent with counseling. After you find a mental health specialist you resonate with, commit to showing up. When I was depressed, I cancelled on my therapist all the time because I felt too listless to leave the house. Needless to say, I didn’t get much out of the relationship. Years later I faced another bout of depression and forced myself to see my therapist once a week. If I couldn’t get out of bed, I would FaceTime her. I always felt lighter after our sessions and gleaned serious benefits from our time together — and I also needed medication.

As hard as it can be to keep showing up for counseling, it’s one of the most potent ways you can nurture yourself through depression. Even if some days you’re sure you have nothing to say to your therapist, you’ll benefit from simply arriving at the appointment.


Find quality care for baby. As you navigate this challenging time, it will be essential to ask trusted loved ones for help with your baby. Being their sole caregiver while trying to get through depression might feel impossible, which is why calling in reinforcements can ensure that you and baby get the care you deserve.

You might resist this because you don’t want to tell people about your depression. This is normal, but you’ll probably be amazed by how supportive friends and family are when you trust them with your vulnerability. (And you might also be surprised to learn that some of your loved ones have been through the same thing.)


Continue to spend time with baby. While being with your baby might be a painful reminder of how disconnected you feel, it’s important to continue being with them, even if you have to fake affection. Because “faking it ‘til you make it” might just help you develop an authentic bond with baby, and it will definitely support them in feeling bonded to you. If you don’t trust yourself to adequately care for your baby on your own, ask an adult to be with you when you’re spending time together.

Get your copy today.

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What To Do About a Swollen Vulva During Pregnancy

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-riyd9-129503e

Insight into why the vulva might become swollen and discolored during pregnancy, when it’s a sign of a problem, and what to do about it.

To receive more support, get your copy of Asking for a Pregnant Friend: 101 Answers to Questions Women Are Too Embarrassed to Ask about Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

And… 

Feng Shui Mommy: Creating Balance and Harmony for Blissful Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

Email me at BaileyGaddis@yahoo.com if you have any questions about pregnancy, childbirth or early motherhood that you would like answered on this podcast 🙂

birth podcast, Childbirth, Pregnancy, pregnancy podcast

Why Your Vagina Might Smell Weird During Pregnancy

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-wuehs-127cd7f

Discover why your vagina might smell weird during pregnancy, what to do about the smell, and when it might be a sign of a problem. 

 

To receive more support, get your copy of Asking for a Pregnant Friend: 101 Answers to Questions Women Are Too Embarrassed to Ask about Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

 

And… 

 

Feng Shui Mommy: Creating Balance and Harmony for Blissful Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

 

Email me at BaileyGaddis@yahoo.com if you have any questions about pregnancy, childbirth or early motherhood that you would like answered on this podcast 🙂