Mom Humor, Parenting, Uncategorized

Rules of the Playroom, According to a Toddler

IMG_5282Dear Parent,

As much as you like to think you make the rules, you’re just fooling yourself — at least when it comes to the playroom.

When I come to town, it’s “game over” organized bins, clean walls, and fully dressed dolls. A new sheriff has arrived and I have a fresh set of laws.

  1. Thou shall not look at, or talk to, me whilst I am smashing my tiny truck into my line up of LEGO® DUPLO® bricks. I don’t care how cute I am — I will demand a snack, a snuggle, or a viewing of my favorite animated characters if you break my play flow, yo.

Read more at Babble!

Mom Humor, Uncategorized

25 Thing I Tell My Toddler (That I Should Be Telling Myself)

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I’m not sure if this photo relates- but I wanted to post it.

I’m quick with the requests (demands) for my toddler, but not so quick to follow my own seemingly wise words. What if those words were translated by my “good angel” into advice that helped me curb a few of my less-than-stellar habits?

I’m giving that good angel (who is more likely an opinionated fairy) a moment to shine and respond to all the chitchat I’m consistently doling out to my son.

1. Only one cup of juice.

Only one cup of wine.

2. Sugar and fried foods will make you tired.

Sugar and fried foods will make you tired, cranky, puffy, lazy, and hungry.

3. Clean up before you move to another activity.

Close your 15 browser windows before you open a new one to browse Amazon.

Read more on Babble!

Mom Humor

I Envision Other Mothers….

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I envision other mothers prepping three course (food pyramid approved) meals for their children, three times a day…

While I make scrambled eggs in the microwave… three times a day.

I envision other mothers spending a leisurely thirty minutes talking their tot through a gentle diaper change…

While I beg my child not to smear poop on my face as I haphazardly diaper him as we’re rushing out the door to the Mommy and Me (fill in the blank) class we’re inevitably late for.

I envision other mothers having the television removed from the home the instant they learn an impressionable new little human is growing within them….

While I frantically try to figure out how to get to the Netflix Kids app so I can have two uninterrupted minutes to scrub the microwave eggs out of the carpet, and my hair.

I envision other mothers mystically stretching time and completing all laundry, bathing, clothing, feeding, watering (of themselves and their children,) cleaning their shelter, and laughing (it’s most certainly a basic need,) ALL. IN. ONE. DAY.

While I spread out our basic needs over the course of a week, with the exception of laughing, we do plenty of that.

I envision other mothers prepping a developmentally appropriate art project for kiddo/s each day of the week….

While I consider arranging our spaghetti (with a side of microwave eggs) into abstract shapes during dinner, art project enough.

I envision other mothers polishing off thoughtful and inspiring replies to all 55 of their emails, in one hour, and shutting down the computer for the rest of the day…

While I pull out my cell phone, laptop, or tablet thingy 367 times a day in an attempt to get out any response to the 16 emails I have sitting in my Inbox.

I envision other mothers leaving helpful, humorous, and heartfelt posts on their online ‘Mom Group’ of choice…

While I’m fortunate if I can shoot off an incredibly helpful, ‘Me too!’ or ‘That Sucks!’

I envision other mothers taking an adorable holiday card photo in June, pre-ordering the cards by September, and shipping them out, complete with a tastefully witty ‘Our Year in Review’ letter, by November 29th….

While I post a ‘Happy Holidays’ photo of my child on Facebook on January 3rd, hoping all the relevant relatives see it.

I envision other mothers writing the next great American novel, or blog, during their child’s three-hour naps….

While I attempt to type out ONE SENTENCE as my child simultaneously kicks my typing hand and bites my boob. (I started writing this two weeks ago.)

I envision other mothers being really cool and cutting me way too much slack for all the lazy mom-isms I’m guilty of….

While I have a good laugh with my kiddo, and remember that, hey girl, it’s all good.