After a vaginal birth, your vagina might be a bit wider, which both you and your partner might notice in the first few months after birth. But as you continue to do those Kegels and your vagina settles into its new normal, the changes will be less and less noticeable. In addition, some women experience vaginal dryness as their hormones shift, but this will work itself out after a few months.
Beyond the physical components of sex, you, your partner, or both of you might experience some mental blocks. One of the big ones is feeling comfortable connecting to your sexual side when so much of your identity has suddenly shifted into parent mode. It can be tricky to reconcile these two pieces of yourself. Because of this, it’s normal for your sex life to go through a dry patch in the early months of parenthood. Just take it easy on yourselves, commit to continuing to have sex every now and then — even when it’s awkward — and know that you can find your way back to a steamy sexual connection.
What to do
Go to a vagina spa. I’m kidding. But doesn’t that sound like something that could actually exist in Los Angeles? Until we discover a vagina spa, try these ideas:
Do Kegels. This exercise is a sexual game changer as it strengthens the pelvic floor muscles that surround the vagina, making it tighter. It also increases circulation to the vagina and pelvic floor, which can enhance arousal and lubrication — Kegels are a great way to get you going before sex. To do them . . .
* Identify your pelvic floor muscles by stopping your stream of urine mid-flow. Release after a few seconds.
* Focus on pulling the pelvic floor muscles in and up, hold for the count of ten, and then fully
* Maintain smooth and easy breathing during reps, slowly inhaling with the intake of muscles, and exhaling with the release.
* Do ten sets, three times a day.
Use lube, if needed. Because nothing kills the mood quicker than a dry vagina, purchase an organic lube to utilize until your hormones start providing natural lubrication again.
Get creative with positions. The temporary changes in your vagina could make positions that used to be lovely feel painful; and positions you haven’t tried, the bee’s knees. Go into sex with curiosity, trying out different positions until you find the one (or many) that do the trick. It’s also important to let your partner know you’re going to lead the way with this, as you’re the one who will know when something is working for, or against, your pleasure.
Consider amping up foreplay. If you’ve tried all the positions and none are doing the trick, return to the tried-and-true techniques of oral sex and fondling. Sex will eventually feel good again, but there’s no need to forego pleasure in the meantime.
Love yourself. A transformed vagina, leaking boobs, a shift in identity, fatigue, seriously limited time to get frisky…it can all lead to some bummer thoughts about yourself. Common thoughts I had in the fourth trimester were, “I’m no longer a sexual being, but a bloated baby bottle. I can’t possibly seem sexy to Eric. I feel so gross. Why am I so sticky? My vagina is probably disgusting, but I’m too scared to look.” I was so mean to myself. And needless to say, this meanness didn’t enhance my connection with myself or Eric.
Do as I didn’t, and tell yourself that the mean voice is full of lies. Instead of allowing yourself to fall down the rabbit hole of those damaging thoughts, be gentle with yourself, continually coming back to the knowing that things will settle down, you’ll reclaim your sense of self and sexiness, and your sex life will get back on track. It won’t happen all at once, and that’s okay. Instead of focusing on what’s not working, pay attention to what is — like the fact that you can create, birth, and nurture a new human. And that stretchy pants exist.
Bailey Gaddis Blog 