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Are these kinky, kind of eerie sex dreams I’m having normal?

Excerpt from Asking for a Pregnant Friend: 101 Answers to Questions Women Are Too Embarrassed to Ask about Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood

Heck, yes. When I was pregnant I had sex dreams about the guy that’s always eating sandwiches outside our grocery store, the mysterious library clerk with dreadlocks, and some ex-boyfriends for good measure. Sometimes these were not-so-dreamy encounters, and I’d be trying to lock doors to stop the sex. I would wake up feeling relieved it hadn’t actually happened, but also ashamed my mind had gone there. Other times, the dreams were dreamy, and I’d wake up in solidarity with preteen boys who need to sleep with tissue by their bed. I’ve heard women report sex dreams that involved family members, and even animals. Yup. Most of these women blushed as they whispered how turned on/embarrassed they were by these dreams. So you can be sure that however strange your sex dreams, and whatever your reaction to them may be, there’s someone out there who has had a stranger one, and a similar response.

I also encourage you to really let this sink in: Our dreams don’t make us miscreants unfit for motherhood. We don’t need to shame our poor brain for the random stuff it cooks up when we’re dozing, because those thoughts in no way mean we actually have a desire to engage in the acts playing out behind our eyelids, even if we wake up throbbing in all the fun ways.

Dreams should not be taken literally but instead viewed as representations of more emotional aspects of our life. For example, sexual dreams about people who aren’t your partner are believed to represent breaking away from your old life as you near motherhood. And dreams about women, even if you’re with a woman, are thought to symbolize feelings about your shifting body and identity.

Many of us actually have these bizarre dreams even when we’re not pregnant — we just don’t remember them. As you might have discovered, your sleep is much lighter during pregnancy, especially when your bladder is waking you every five minutes to pee out a few drops. Because of this light sleep, you remember more of your dreams. In addition, women have increased blood flow to the genitals and an influx of estrogen that ups vaginal secretions during pregnancy. These factors combine to make sex a common idea floating in your subconscious mind, and intense arousal a common response. Consider yourself lucky.

What to do

If you want to dive into the fascinating practice of dissecting your dreams, write them down, or make a voice memo when you wake up — even if it’s the middle of the night. Then, take time later to examine the contents of the dream on your own, or with a therapist if you really want to get into it. Because dreams aren’t a science, feel free to create meanings that feel good to you and that support the exploration of the changes you’re experiencing. If you’re still feeling uneasy about your mind-movies after this process, listen to this recording, which helps reduce the many forms of shame that crop up during pregnancy and motherhood: yourserenelife.wordpress.com/releasing-shame/.

Get your copy today.

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