It’s unlikely that your sense of modesty will impede labor, primarily because even the most modest mamas will tell you their modesty almost entirely dissolved when they were in labor. But even if that doesn’t happen, you’ll still be fine because you have control of who’s in the room with you, and how covered you are. While many believe this is a given for birth at home or in a birth center, somehow they don’t feel they have power over who is in the room at the hospital. But you absolutely do. You can make it clear in your birth preferences that you don’t want hospital staff in the room when you’re laboring, with the exception of the nurses needing to monitor you every hour or so and an occasional visit from your doctor. In regard to delivery, you can request that only absolutely necessary hospital staff be present.
You also have control over the nonmedical staff who are with you. You don’t have to say yes to that friend or family member who really wants to be at your birth if you don’t think you’d be comfortable with them present. You don’t even have to have your partner there if you think their presence will throw you off. (For more on this, see question 38.)
Essentially, you have every right to go into labor with your modesty intact — you don’t have to change. But again, birth might change you anyways, especially if you have an unmedicated birth, as the intensity of the sensations will likely eliminate your concerns about nakedness, cussing, and so on. If you get an epidural, you’ll be more aware of your modesty, but you’ll also have more energy and focus to advocate for your wishes for privacy and coverage. And if you have a C-section, nothing but your abdomen and upper bikini line area will be exposed.
What to do
Home in on the elements that make you uncomfortable. For example, are you hesitant to have your vagina exposed? Do you not want your breasts shown? Are you nervous that you won’t be able to control what you say, or how you sound? Does the idea of your partner seeing birth fluids come out of you make you nervous? Write down everything that’s making you uneasy, then try the following:
Put your needs in your birth preferences. In this document, you can ask to be assigned only female care providers (whenever possible), and that no medical or midwifery students be allowed in the room. You can also request that people knock before entering your birthing space, only stick around if their presence is absolutely needed, keep your lower half covered with a sheet during vaginal exams and baby’s descent, or anything else you think will make you more comfortable. And when making these preferences, don’t worry about offending anyone. This is your birth, and you get to ask for what you want.
Talk with your care provider about your concerns. Discussing your qualms with your care provider will not only help them better understand your needs, but will also give them a chance to offer fresh ideas for keeping you comfortable during childbirth.
Make a “Please Knock” sign. In addition to putting this in your birth preferences, make a sign for the door of the room you’ll be laboring in that says, “Please knock, and wait for permission before entering.” This ensures no one surprises you when you’re in a state of undress, or any kind of state you’re not comfortable certain people witnessing.
Pick out super comfortable clothing. If nakedness is a concern, consider finding a really comfortable nursing bra. You could also bring a robe, and wear underwear that’s not too restrictive. Just make sure these are items you don’t mind getting birth juices on.
Wear earbuds. Nervous about cursing, moaning, or screaming? Pop in your earbuds and play your favorite music or guided meditation, so you’re less aware of what you sound like. As for the people in the room who don’t have earbuds in, I can almost guarantee they won’t care about profanity or any loud noises you make.
Determine how your birth supporters can help. Making a plan for how your people can advocate for your desire to stay covered and maintain privacy helps ensure you don’t have to do anything but focus on birth. Discuss with them beforehand what’s important to you, and offer ideas for how they can best support you.
Request the bare minimum number of vaginal exams. In many cases, vaginal exams aren’t required during birth, so if they make you uncomfortable, opt for none, or few.
Have your partner stand by your head when baby is being delivered. If you’re uneasy with the idea of your partner witnessing the release of discharge and blood, a potential vaginal tear, or other components of your vagina’s journey through childbirth, talk with them about staying away from that area as baby emerges. It’s good to talk about this well before you go into labor, as your partner might have strong feelings about seeing your baby come out. You, of course, have the final say over who sees what during birth, but your partner’s feelings might sway your decision.
Ask that the room be cleared as soon as possible after baby’s delivery, so you can begin breastfeeding (if you’re choosing to breastfeed). If breast exposure is a concern, remind everyone that you want only absolutely essential care providers in the room after baby is delivered. You can also drape a blanket over baby after you place them on your bare chest.
Remember that your care providers have seen it all. The wonderful people who support women through birth have seen all degrees of nudity, heard birthing women scream and curse the wildest of phrases, witnessed them pooping, and observed the whole range of other raw displays that birthing evokes. Essentially, there’s nothing you can do that will make them blush.
Bailey Gaddis Blog 